You Pick: The Power of Giving Kids Choices

“I want to do it MY way!”

Sound familiar? If you're a parent, you've probably heard this more times than you can count. The desire for independence starts young—and that's a good thing. But as adults, we know kids still need structure, limits, and guidance. So how do we let them feel a sense of control without handing over the reins completely?

One simple and powerful parenting tool is offering choices that are age appropriate.

Why Choices Matter

Giving your child age-appropriate choices helps them feel:

• Heard

• Respected

• Capable

When you offer your child two acceptable options—like, “Do you want cereal or a bagel for breakfast?”—you’re letting them know their opinion matters. You’re also helping them build decision-making skills in a low-stakes way.

The Key: You Must Be Okay With Both Options

The magic only works if you’re truly fine with either choice. If you'd be annoyed if they chose the bagel, don’t offer it. Stick to options you can support—like red shirt or yellow shirt, sneakers or sandals, park now or after lunch. You're still in charge, but your child gets to flex their independence.

When to Use This Strategy

Offering choices works especially well:

• In the morning rush (“Do you want to brush your teeth first or get dressed first?”)

• During transitions (“Should we leave the playground in 5 minutes or 10?”)

• Around chores (“Would you rather feed the dog or set the table?”)

It’s not about giving up control—it’s about sharing control in a healthy, developmentally appropriate way.

A Little Bit Goes a Long Way

You don’t need to offer choices all day long. That can be overwhelming for both of you. But weaving in small, thoughtful choices throughout the day helps reduce power struggles, builds cooperation, and strengthens your connection.

So next time you’re heading into a routine moment, try saying, “You pick.” You might be surprised how far those two little words can go.